the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How does one acquire holy water?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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