So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
