i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
