i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
