Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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