he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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