garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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