Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
