so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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