i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
