How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
