omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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