I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
