"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
