I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
