I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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