You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
