I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
