Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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