i already hear my dad disowning me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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