So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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