How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
