and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
