census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
