guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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