My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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