Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
