I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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