Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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