How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
