We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
