Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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