fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Pants are for mortals
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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