Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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