I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
