i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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