shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
