yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
