We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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