just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
