We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
