saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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