brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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