went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Randomize
