Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
