I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
