Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
