she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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