What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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