so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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