I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
