She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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